Five Years Later...

Five years ago, on April 26, 2004, my world was completely torn down when my dad passed away from a longtime liver disease. It hurt. My best friend had just died and we would never be able to go on drives and talk or work together on different projects on our farm.

 

I’ve never felt that type of pain before. I can’t really describe it to someone who hasn’t gone through that kind of grief before, but it feels as if someone had yanked my heart out and left a huge gaping hole.

 

Yet far, far, worse.

 

That was also the first day that I experienced love.

 

From the moment we were in the hospital my family was surrounded by people who loved us. They were there as we waited for news and they were there when the news turned out to be for the worse. They were with us through the passing days as we stumbled through life, trying to make funeral arrangements, calling family and simply sitting with us when words just weren’t enough.

 

“For this is the message which you have heard from the beginning, that we should love one another;”         -1 John 3:11

 

One night this past summer I was staring at the stars when one of the most simple yet important epiphanies hit me square in the face: We need each other.

 

I don’t know why I never really thought about it before, when we are younger the Golden Rule is constantly taught to love your neighbor but sometimes, somewhere on the journey to adulthood we seem to forget such a simple rule. Don’t hit. Share things. Respect one another. We lose those ideals somewhere along the way when our heads get crowded with grammar structures and logarithms.

 

A great wise man (David Crowder) once stated that "Every injurious word + Every injurious deed = The Collective Weight of Human Existence." Pretty cool thoughts. I never thought about all of us connected in that way--every time we hurt each other, be it slander or abuse, we merely add to a giant burden that rests on the shoulders of the human race.

 

It’s so obvious that we forget. We need each other. Our burdens are too heavy for us to carry alone. Perhaps this is why we were given family and friends, so that we can catch a glimpse of what God is trying to tell us how much He loves us.

 

Thank you everyone. Every person who reads this has somehow made an effect on me--just reading this I know that you have taken the time to invest somehow in me. It’s not always apparent the effect we have on each other, but the effect is still there.

 

And what about God--Why would a God that is good allow for His people to get hurt? Why would there be such a thing as sorrow or pain if God really loved us?

 

Pshhh…I have no idea.

 

Sorry to disappoint.

 

Be it for reasons that are to come out of the pain, because He gives us free will, or because it is necessary, we will never truly know why bad things happen to good people. This is obvious when reading the Book of Job. Job went through far worse than I did and deserved none of it. Job, at his wit’s end, asks God why. Why the hurt, why the pain, why the grief, why could you let this happen? And the Lord merely answers, “You could never understand my ways.”

 

Job 42:1-6

 

Job speaks, “I know you can do anything and everything you like, when you like, how you like. And when you do, nobody dares get in your way. You asked me, ‘Who is this that questions me?’ I had no idea what I was talking about—it was all way too big for me to get my head round. I can’t believe I had the nerve to say to you, ‘Listen to me when I’m talking. I ask the questions, and you give the answers.’ I’d heard rumors of your reputation. Now I’ve seen you with my own eyes, and I’m dying of embarrassment at my attitude. I take it all back, every question, every accusation. Sorry. Won’t happen again.”

 

I have finally given up trying to find out the whys and (very, very reluctantly) taken up the now what?

 

The only thing I can do is trust and believe that He will take care of me. And so far He has. He has provided people who have stepped into my life and given me everything I have ever needed.

 

Perhaps God uses pain to as a reminder that there are people around us. Maybe He uses the disasters to bring people together, showing us that we all bleed the same. To remind us that we need each other.

 

I have nothing else left.

 

I am the type of person that likes to believe that everything happens for a reason. I still like to hold out for a happy ending. I believe that this has become one of them. Being able to look back, past all the confusion and wondering how the world could still keep turning, I realize how much God has used all that to create the happy ending.

 

Through death, I found life.

 

When my father’s life ended, God used that exact same second to begin my new life; a new life that, although had more struggles and sorrow than my old life, is much better as He has used the ripples from a death to create a life for me that is beyond blessed.

 

That day in the hospital I found God.

 

And yes, it still hurts

 

Yes, I secretly wish that my dad could be here with me now

 

However, I honestly wouldn’t change my life if I had a second chance

 

Because I realize now that I am one of the most blessed people in the world.                           

“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”                  Genesis 50:20

All stories, even the ones we love, must eventually come to an end and when they do, it's only an opportunity for another story to begin.

-Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium

 

Making Something Out Of Nothing

Yesterday, I wrote this lesson to share with the girls at Lake Forest Middle and I think it was for me just as much as it was for the girls. 

I know the plans that I have for you, declares the LORD. They are plans for peace and not disaster; plans to give you a future filled with hope. Then you will call to me. You will come and pray to me, and I will hear you.When you look for me, you will find me.          (Jeremiah 29:11-13)

The Bible always talks about people such as Moses and David who were commanded by God to do something really awesome, like be leaders for entire nations and be kings, but did you know that God could use you to be leaders just like them? Sometimes it feels like we are nothing special, and that God could never use us to do great and amazing things like lead people out of slavery or become a king but looking through the Bible shows that the people that God used to become great were everyday people like you and me.  

When Samuel was asked by God to choose one of Jesse’s sons to become the next king, Samuel first wanted to appoint Eliab, the oldest of Jesse’s eight sons but God tells Samuel:

"Don't look at his appearance or how tall he is, because I have rejected him. God does not see as humans see. Humans look at outward appearances, but the LORD looks into the heart."  (1 Samuel 16:7)

The Lord wasn’t looking for a strong person or someone good-looking, but for someone who had the right heart, someone who followed God’s obedience. Samuel went through seven of the brothers before God chose the youngest, David. Not even David’s own dad, Jesse thought there was anything special about him, as he was the youngest and the Shepard, something no one else in the family wanted to do. But God used David to defeat the giant Goliath and become the greatest king of Israel.

There are many other examples of people in the Bible that many people wouldn’t think that they could be great leaders but God used them to show that He uses people who, to the world, may look like they are nothing special but God used them to be something great. Moses had a stuttering problem and was afraid to speak but God still used him to speak to the Pharaoh of Egypt and Moses leaded thousands of Israelites out of slavery. Gideon was farming when God told him to lead an army of 300 against an army that numbered in the thousands. Gideon, a farmer boy, who at first doubted God, ended up defeating the huge army and saving the Israelites. In fact, the Bible even says that when people saw Jesus, they didn’t think He was important:

“He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him. He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and thought him as scum.”                                    (Isaiah 53:2-3) 

Not even Jesus looked like a king and He turned out to be the Savior for the world. In 1 Corinthians, it tells us that we can be used too, even if we don’t think we’re anything important:

Brothers and sisters, consider what you were when God called you to be Christians. Not many of you were wise from a human point of view. You were not in powerful positions or in the upper social classes. But God chose what the world considers nonsense to put wise people to shame. God chose what the world considers weak to put what is strong to shame. God chose what the world considers ordinary and what it despises-what it considers to be nothing-in order to destroy what it considers to be something.                                                 (1 Corinthians 1:27-31)

God will choose ANYBODY that is willing to follow what He tells them. In Hebrews 11, it tells of all the people in the Bible who achieved great things through God even though at the time, people around them called them outcasts.

And to be honest, being used by God can be kind of scary too. Imagine if you had to speak to an entire country about all the bad things they had done. The good thing is that God is always there with us; He doesn’t abandon us.

In the book of Jeremiah, Jeremiah is a prophet chosen by God but he was scared because he wasn’t sure of what to say to the entire nation of Israel. But God tells Jeremiah:

“I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.”  “O Sovereign Lord,” I said, “I can’t speak for you! I’m too young!” The Lord replied, “Don’t say, ‘I’m too young,’ for you must go wherever I send you and say whatever I tell you.  And don’t be afraid of the people, for I will be with you and will protect you. I, the Lord, have spoken!”  Then the Lord reached out and touched my mouth and said, “Look, I have put words in your mouth!”                                                        (Jeremiah 1:5-9)

It’s such a great thing to learn that God has chosen us for amazing plans! In Isaiah, God tells the prophet Isaiah, 

 I have taken you from the ends of the earth and called you from its most distant places. I said to you, 'You are my servant. I've chosen you; I haven't rejected you. Don't be afraid, because I am with you. Don't be intimidated; I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will support you with my victorious right hand. (Isaiah 41:9-10)

It’s also interesting to know that even the prophets were scared about the same things that we are, such as being laughed at or not having anybody believe us. But God tells us to not be scared because He is right next to us to strengthen us and help us when we are scared. Through God, we have the power to change the world, we just need to believe that God can use us and not doubt in Him. Even though we are young does not mean that God can’t use us because 1 Timothy 4:12 says:

Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity.

When we have faith that God can do awesome things then He will begin to use us. Sometimes, it starts off by just being nice to someone in class or obeying your parents, but those small things will add up until we realize that we have been doing great things all along! Mother Teresa, someone who did really great things through God, once said, “In this life we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love.” So start today by believing that God can use you, and start asking Him what you can do.  

It's A Glorious Day Today...

Today was just that type of day that I knew was going to be horrible. It started at 1 in the morning when I realized that I had a exam the next morning in my hardest class. After studying, I finally ended up snuggling under the covers for a few short 4 hours of shut-eye. 

I was getting worn out. 

I just wanted to leave everything behind and forget about all the troubles of the world.

But life just doesn't stop like that.

I finished my exam, but only because I had to. I finished quickly because I didn't care about the resulting grade, I just wanted to be done. 

I went to class because I had to and I spent every minute of it counting down until I could leave. 

I just wanted this day to be done.

But we can't just float through life apparently. We have to live it.  

And so while I was sitting with some middle school girls, God gave me a glorious day, to help me remember that even if it's a rough day, it's still a day and it still deserves to be lived. 

And so little moments made my day spectacular:

• Bonding with some of the girls at the after-school program, Sparkle, that I help out in by singing the Jonas brothers
• Finding a four-leaf clover when I wasn't even looking for one
• "Family Time" with Tharp Hall

Yes, family time with the most beautiful girls ever. The girls that I share my life with and almost every waking moment together. Tonight we simply got to tell each other how much we appreciate one another. We all love each other very much but after living together, one starts to forget that we need each other and that we all need encouragement. The lesson I got out of this and some other similar moments that happened are meant for another day but the love that filled the room was undeniable. It felt like a never-ending chick-flick with the happy ending happening over and over again. Or that I had eaten Joy Pop Rocks and they were exploding in my heart. 

It was a good day, I'm glad that I decided to live today. 

Eastery Thoughts

Please check out "True Love" by Phil Wickham

So the night before Easter I went out on a midnight walk with my dog and God (which is a pretty neat combo as the two are spelled the same yet backwards). I love night walks because: 1. I can see the stars which are some of my favorite things and 2. Everyone else is sleeping and it's a great time for me to think about the day's happenings and be alone with my thoughts.

And so, as I was walking underneath the bright stars with my dog, talking to God about aspects about my life, I started thinking about Jesus' death. It must have hurt God a lot to know that His son would be hurt in such a way. It must have been devastating to see such hurt in the one that He loves most. But yet, He knew that it must happen. To save us wretched creatures, God sacrificed the most precious one of all. Yet He cared for us so much, loved us so deeply that our Father knew that it would be worth it. 

God

              Loves

                               Us

I honestly don't know how to comprehend such a love. I definitely don't deserve it, nor do I want it all the time because sometimes it hurts, but even though I despise admitting that I'm weak, I desperately need it. I need someone who loves me unconditionally and someone who gives me hope for the new day, where would we be if we didn't have someone who believed in us and gave us hope for the new day, what good would it be to get up after we fall?

I don't deserve it. I don't understand it. But I need it more than anything in the world. 

My Break-up Letter to Facebook

(It was only for a little while)

This past week a friend and I decided to stay away from the internet for a full week to think and pray about some things in our life-some would call this a fast, I decided on "prioritizing" (that was a new concept for me). 

I honestly wasn't sure how I was going to be able to hold up. Sure, I could stay away from wikipedia and The Internet Movie Database (although that was rough too), but stay away from FACEBOOK?? 

Might as well as take away all the oxygen in my life too.

I'll be honest, I stayed up until 4 the night before the internet break, solely surfing on Facebook, just to get my kick in for the next day as well.

But I figured since it was all about deciding things about my future and spiritual life, I should probably at least try.

But I did write this break up letter to Facebook instead:

Dear Facebook,

I'm sorry that things had to turn out this way. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and I just don't like the way our relationship is going. I have come to the realization that maybe for a short while we need to just take some time away from each other just to focus on other things. I feel like I've become too dependent on you. We spend too much time together and it seems to be taking a toll on our interactions with other people. I need to branch out more and I can't do that when you're around---you smother me. Please don't get me wrong-you're great and I love being around you and I hope this means that we can still hang out but just know, I don't want to get into anything deep. I love you but I feel like I have to address this dilemma before it gets too out of hand. I hope we can meet again after we've both had time to think about this. 

--Pookie

It actually wasn't that bad. I forgot that I had been living a great life for 16 years of my life before I encountered the internet.