Five Years Later...

Five years ago, on April 26, 2004, my world was completely torn down when my dad passed away from a longtime liver disease. It hurt. My best friend had just died and we would never be able to go on drives and talk or work together on different projects on our farm.

 

I’ve never felt that type of pain before. I can’t really describe it to someone who hasn’t gone through that kind of grief before, but it feels as if someone had yanked my heart out and left a huge gaping hole.

 

Yet far, far, worse.

 

That was also the first day that I experienced love.

 

From the moment we were in the hospital my family was surrounded by people who loved us. They were there as we waited for news and they were there when the news turned out to be for the worse. They were with us through the passing days as we stumbled through life, trying to make funeral arrangements, calling family and simply sitting with us when words just weren’t enough.

 

“For this is the message which you have heard from the beginning, that we should love one another;”         -1 John 3:11

 

One night this past summer I was staring at the stars when one of the most simple yet important epiphanies hit me square in the face: We need each other.

 

I don’t know why I never really thought about it before, when we are younger the Golden Rule is constantly taught to love your neighbor but sometimes, somewhere on the journey to adulthood we seem to forget such a simple rule. Don’t hit. Share things. Respect one another. We lose those ideals somewhere along the way when our heads get crowded with grammar structures and logarithms.

 

A great wise man (David Crowder) once stated that "Every injurious word + Every injurious deed = The Collective Weight of Human Existence." Pretty cool thoughts. I never thought about all of us connected in that way--every time we hurt each other, be it slander or abuse, we merely add to a giant burden that rests on the shoulders of the human race.

 

It’s so obvious that we forget. We need each other. Our burdens are too heavy for us to carry alone. Perhaps this is why we were given family and friends, so that we can catch a glimpse of what God is trying to tell us how much He loves us.

 

Thank you everyone. Every person who reads this has somehow made an effect on me--just reading this I know that you have taken the time to invest somehow in me. It’s not always apparent the effect we have on each other, but the effect is still there.

 

And what about God--Why would a God that is good allow for His people to get hurt? Why would there be such a thing as sorrow or pain if God really loved us?

 

Pshhh…I have no idea.

 

Sorry to disappoint.

 

Be it for reasons that are to come out of the pain, because He gives us free will, or because it is necessary, we will never truly know why bad things happen to good people. This is obvious when reading the Book of Job. Job went through far worse than I did and deserved none of it. Job, at his wit’s end, asks God why. Why the hurt, why the pain, why the grief, why could you let this happen? And the Lord merely answers, “You could never understand my ways.”

 

Job 42:1-6

 

Job speaks, “I know you can do anything and everything you like, when you like, how you like. And when you do, nobody dares get in your way. You asked me, ‘Who is this that questions me?’ I had no idea what I was talking about—it was all way too big for me to get my head round. I can’t believe I had the nerve to say to you, ‘Listen to me when I’m talking. I ask the questions, and you give the answers.’ I’d heard rumors of your reputation. Now I’ve seen you with my own eyes, and I’m dying of embarrassment at my attitude. I take it all back, every question, every accusation. Sorry. Won’t happen again.”

 

I have finally given up trying to find out the whys and (very, very reluctantly) taken up the now what?

 

The only thing I can do is trust and believe that He will take care of me. And so far He has. He has provided people who have stepped into my life and given me everything I have ever needed.

 

Perhaps God uses pain to as a reminder that there are people around us. Maybe He uses the disasters to bring people together, showing us that we all bleed the same. To remind us that we need each other.

 

I have nothing else left.

 

I am the type of person that likes to believe that everything happens for a reason. I still like to hold out for a happy ending. I believe that this has become one of them. Being able to look back, past all the confusion and wondering how the world could still keep turning, I realize how much God has used all that to create the happy ending.

 

Through death, I found life.

 

When my father’s life ended, God used that exact same second to begin my new life; a new life that, although had more struggles and sorrow than my old life, is much better as He has used the ripples from a death to create a life for me that is beyond blessed.

 

That day in the hospital I found God.

 

And yes, it still hurts

 

Yes, I secretly wish that my dad could be here with me now

 

However, I honestly wouldn’t change my life if I had a second chance

 

Because I realize now that I am one of the most blessed people in the world.                           

“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”                  Genesis 50:20

All stories, even the ones we love, must eventually come to an end and when they do, it's only an opportunity for another story to begin.

-Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium