Home

(I meant to put this up a few weeks ago but then my computer freaked out on me)

Home

[hohm]

noun

a house, apartment, or other shelter that is the usual residence of a person, family, or household.

I live in a house.

We moved there almost two years ago.

It lies in a picture-perfect subdivision with children always playing outside and an overbearing homeowners association.

It's a spacious, four bedroom house with 2.5 bathrooms, a gorgeous kitchen and a lot of square footage.

I have my own room painted neon green and a blue ceiling with glow-in-the-dark stars placed in their constellations. A hammock lies next to the window and I sleep in it whenever I come back from school. The window leads to the outside and a small roof juts out from it so I can climb out and see the stars on beautiful nights.

Yet, I still cannot think of that place as home.

It is just a house.

No matter how hard I try, that house is not home. Let’s not get me wrong, I absolutely love my family but it’s just not where my heart belongs.

For the longest time, home was my church, mainly my youth group. I remember being squished in the back of a church van during an eight-hour trip and realizing that this was what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I truly loved being in the presence of my Jesus family. Summer nights playing on the volleyball courts felt like home.

Then I came to college. College was where, somehow, strangers became family and I finally felt like I was accepted without having to follow society’s standards. Starlite retreats and mud football never felt so much like home.

This summer I went to camp. Where, having no one else to be around, we were always around each other. Where staring at shooting stars and fishing became a way of life. And during those peaceful nights, I felt like I was at home.

These past two weeks, I’ve gone from camp, to my house, to my church home, to college.

And I’ve never felt so confused as to where home is.

Where does my heart belong?

Maybe these are simply glimpses of a better place.

If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy,
I can only conclude that I was not made for here. --Brooke Fraser "C.S. Lewis Song"